Tuesday, February 6, 2007

El Profeta & Amor

Entonces dijo Almitra: Háblanos del Amor,
Y él alzó la cabeza y miró a la multitud, y un silenció cayó sobre todos, y con fuerte voz
dijo él:
Cuando el amor os llame, seguidle,
aunque sus caminos sean duros y escarpados.
Y cuando sus alas os envuelvan, ceded a él,
aunque la espada oculta en su plumaje pueda heridos.
Y cuando os hable, creed en él,
aunque su voz pueda desbaratar vuestros sueños como
el viento del norte asola vuestros jardines.
Porque así como el amor os corona, debe crucificaros.
Así como os agranda, también os poda.
Así como se eleva hasta vuestras copas y acaricia
vuestras más frágiles ramas que tiemblan al sol, también
penetrará hasta vuestras raíces y las sacudirá de su arraigo a la tierra.
Como gavillas de trigo, se os lleva.
Os apalea para desnudaros.
Os trilla para libraros de vuestra paja.
Os muele hasta dejaros blancos.
Os amasa hasta que seáis ágiles,
y luego os entrega a su fuego sagrado, y os transforma
en pan sagrado para el festín de Dios.
Todas estas cosas hará el amor por vosotros para que
podáis conocer los secretos de vuestro corazón, y con
este conocimiento os convirtáis en un fragmento del corazón de la Vida.

Pero si en vuestro temor sólo buscáis la paz del amor
y el placer del amor,
Entonces más vale que cubráis vuestra desnudez y
salgáis de la la era del amor,
Para que entréis en el mundo sin estaciones, donde
reiréis, pero no todas vuestras risas, y lloraréis, pero no
todas vuestras lágrimas.

El amor sólo da de sí y nada recibe sino de sí mismo.
El amor no posee, y no quiere ser poseído.
Porque al amor le basta con el amor.

Cuando améis no debéis decir "Dios está en mi corazón",
sino más bien "estoy en el corazón de Dios".
Y no penséis que podéis dirigir el curso del amor,
porque el amor, si os halla dignos, dirigirá él vuestros
corazones.
El amor no tiene más deseo que el de alcanzar su
plenitud.
Pero si amáis y habéis de tener deseos, que sean estos:
De diluiros en el amor y ser como un arroyo que
canta su melodía a la noche.
De conocer el dolor de sentir demasiada ternura.
De ser herido por la comprensión que se tiene del amor.
De sangrar de buena gana y alegremente.
De despertarse al alba con un corazón alado y dar
gracias por otra jornada de amor;
De descansar al mediodía y meditar sobre el éxtasis
del amor;
De volver a casa al crepúsculo con gratitud,
Y luego dormirse con una plegaria en el corazón para
el bien amado, y con un canto de alabanza en los labios.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Identity Crisis

When I came here I actually was given something that I haven't had since I was 15.... the opportunity to just go to school. I've met a ton of people in Spain, exchange students and locals a like, but there is no one here from my previous life. To be honest, I've gone a little crazy in Spain. I stay out until the sun comes up, drinking and dancing and flirting something fierce. And I think this has really been for me the college experiance I didn't get to have when I was a kid. When most kids where heading off to college I was burying my step father. Shortly there after, (Hmm like about 3 weeks later) my biological dad got sick. We were very close and I was living with him at the time. He began to lose all motor functions and over the course of three months he became quadriplegic. So when most of my friends were getting drunk every night and going out, I was changing diapers, learning how to give spong baths, and allocating funds to cover expenses. I'm an only child so it was just him and me in the house. After a year and a half he died and I was just kind of floating in limbo. Then my mom fell into financial trouble and I picked up a second job and gave her about $1,000 a month for the next year to help her out. Then I took a year and just went to school part time and worked. It felt like a vacation. Needless to say I started college late, so I'm here among people who are much younger than me and I feel that they know only this one side of me... the ''hey let's get drunk and party'' side of me. But they don't know the rest of it. They don't know the girl who was in a steady relationship for 5 years or that I took a year of celebacy before that just to figure out my own head. The fact is that I don't want to talk about all this with them either. It's just a part of my past that I don't feel like talking about or more importantly, I don't need to talk about it any more. At the same time I feel embarrassed to be so behind in school especially among such successful youth.

So I guess my question is... can someone know you without knowing your past? (As much as anyone can truely be known because aren't we alone inside our head anyway?) If our past is as much ''us'' as this minute is, then they wouldn't need to know my history to know who I am, because everything I've been is with me now. At the same time, when my peers here see me, they see a different image then I'm used to portraying. I feel like this image is a little low cut for my tastes and perhaps I should tone down the parties because this only adds to my embarrasment, or perhaps I'm embarrassed because I haven't let go and had this kind of fun since I was in my teens. The truth is I feel almost guilty about enjoying myself. And although this image is a part of me, it's only a small side of me, (one that I get to express for the six months that I'm here) and it fits weird to have it be the main image that everyone sees.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The beginning...

can sometimes be hard, so this is just me testing the waters.