Identity Crisis

When I came here I actually was given something that I haven't had since I was 15.... the opportunity to just go to school. I've met a ton of people in Spain, exchange students and locals a like, but there is no one here from my previous life. To be honest, I've gone a little crazy in Spain. I stay out until the sun comes up, drinking and dancing and flirting something fierce. And I think this has really been for me the college experiance I didn't get to have when I was a kid. When most kids where heading off to college I was burying my step father. Shortly there after, (Hmm like about 3 weeks later) my biological dad got sick. We were very close and I was living with him at the time. He began to lose all motor functions and over the course of three months he became quadriplegic. So when most of my friends were getting drunk every night and going out, I was changing diapers, learning how to give spong baths, and allocating funds to cover expenses. I'm an only child so it was just him and me in the house. After a year and a half he died and I was just kind of floating in limbo. Then my mom fell into financial trouble and I picked up a second job and gave her about $1,000 a month for the next year to help her out. Then I took a year and just went to school part time and worked. It felt like a vacation. Needless to say I started college late, so I'm here among people who are much younger than me and I feel that they know only this one side of me... the ''hey let's get drunk and party'' side of me. But they don't know the rest of it. They don't know the girl who was in a steady relationship for 5 years or that I took a year of celebacy before that just to figure out my own head. The fact is that I don't want to talk about all this with them either. It's just a part of my past that I don't feel like talking about or more importantly, I don't need to talk about it any more. At the same time I feel embarrassed to be so behind in school especially among such successful youth.

So I guess my question is... can someone know you without knowing your past? (As much as anyone can truely be known because aren't we alone inside our head anyway?) If our past is as much ''us'' as this minute is, then they wouldn't need to know my history to know who I am, because everything I've been is with me now. At the same time, when my peers here see me, they see a different image then I'm used to portraying. I feel like this image is a little low cut for my tastes and perhaps I should tone down the parties because this only adds to my embarrasment, or perhaps I'm embarrassed because I haven't let go and had this kind of fun since I was in my teens. The truth is I feel almost guilty about enjoying myself. And although this image is a part of me, it's only a small side of me, (one that I get to express for the six months that I'm here) and it fits weird to have it be the main image that everyone sees.